Unexpected scene in a manga light novel

I’ve taken other people’s lives, for my own sake. They were enemies, true, but they were opponents he could talk to. They cared for their comrades and fought for the sake of others. Diablo’s heart creaked. He clenched his shaking fist, only to feel a small hand rest over it. Rem’s hand. “…I’m sorry.

From a Japanese light novel (from a manga)

I like watching anime, reading manga, and reading the light novels that are often associated with them. Since I tend toward action or fantasy, there is often a lot of fighting, most of it against monsters. While there may be a lot of killing, the type of manga/light novels I read tend to be the killing of monsters with the rare death of a hero.

What you almost never find in one of these writings is much depth of philosophical thinking or accurate portrayals of what really happens in the minds of people who are involved in the killing that is pictured. What you do find tends to fall into one of two simplistic categories. One is the survivor of some tragedy who carries that tragedy with them and uses that event as the reason why they do what they do. The second is the simplistic celebration of victory, particularly if it is monsters that are being killed. In the second panorama there is neither sympathy for the monsters (who are always pictured as ultimate evil) nor much mourning for the rare killing of one of the heroic figures.

So, I was surprised to read the quote above in one of the light novels that I am reading. This is something like the 10th book in the series. The main character is a Japanese citizen who has been mysteriously transported to a world that behaves like one of the games he used to constantly play. This is actually a trope and a category in one type of light novel.

During the first few books, the main character killed off monsters at a high rate, even if they were sentient. He avoided killing sentients who were not monsters. But, early in the series, he noticed that adventurers who were killed really died. There were no resurrection potions. Dead meant dead. If monsters attacked a town, the residents were really dead. As he realized that this was not merely a game, this reinforced his commitment to not killing sentient non-monsters.

But, he has been finally faced with a situation in which war has broken out between two kingdoms. And, he has been forced to defend those he loves and the towns where he lives and carries out commerce. For the first time, he has had to deliberately choose to kill a sentient being, who is not a monster, in order to save his wife’s life.

The quote that begins this post comes from directly after his deliberate killing of several beings in order to save his wife. The reaction is setting in as he realizes that the people he killed also had families and he could also talk with them, but he killed them anyway. The portrayal of his reaction by the light novel is surprisingly mature and accurate. What is portrayed is what is felt by a high percentage of those in the military and those in law enforcement after the first time they kill someone in an almost face to face encounter.

In a percentage of people, estimated widely to be between 30% and 50%, this type of reaction is the precursor to some type of PTSD-like expression. This takes place later on down the line. Some figures show that only about 7% to 10% actually develop PTSD. Others show a higher percentage. Nevertheless, the initial reaction pictured by the main character in this light novel is common to almost all after their first kill of a human.

I commend the author of the light novel for this sincerely realistic portrayal of what really happens after a first kill in many soldier, sailors, and law enforcement. More and more I am convinced that there is that in us, coming from God, that abhors the killing of a human being. I know there are some exceptions, but most, in many cultures, have the reaction pictured above unless they have been deliberately desensitized ahead of time.

There is a reason why the Orthodox do not approve of war but simply look at it as something that may be a lesser evil than the alternative of not fighting a war. It is because there is that in us that shouts, “Thou shalt not kill.” There is that in us that says that we were created to have communion one with another and all of us with God. As permitted as some killings may be, there is that in us which shouts that this is not right, that this was never meant to be. I, again, commend the author of this light novel for pointing that out in his writings.