This past Sunday I was supply priest at a parish in the Greek Metropolis. This is a parish that I have visited many times in the last 9 years. It is one that has no permanent priest but survives on supply priests every Sunday. It was the Sunday of the Prodigal Son, so, not surprisingly, my sermon was on the Prodigal Son. One of the points in my sermon was how the Father greeted the Prodigal Son upon his return.
After the Divine Liturgy, one of the parishioners asked if I could Confess her. Over the last 9 years, I have Confessed her several times so I agreed. I was surprised at how long and detailed her list was. At the end of the Confession, she asked me, nay almost begged me, to give her some discipline. It was clear to me that she wanted to be assigned a set of tasks to assuage her guilt.
I have no problem assigning homework to people who come to me for Confession. Many times, some type of homework after Confession serves the same purpose as a physician prescribing medicine to someone who comes to them with a physical complaint. We tend to forget that Confession is our going to the priest (or hieromonk or bishop) for an illness of the soul. We all too often see going to Confession as the prisoner going before the judge to await his or her sentencing. We tend to forget that phrase that the priest (or deacon or bishop) utters on Holy Wednesday, “O Holy Father, Physician of our souls and bodies have mercy, forgive, and save Your servant [Name],” as he anoints us with oil.
At its root, Confession is about healing rather than about punishment. It is true that spiritual healing may very well involve some type of discipline. But, it functions on the same level as the discipline that a father or mother gives to a son or daughter in order to help them remember not to commit the same error again. There is no retribution to Confession, only training. This is why the author of Hebrews writes, “Now, discipline always seems painful rather than pleasant at the time, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it,” (Heb. 12:11, NRSV). A modern author writes, “Discipline is helping a child solve a problem. Punishment is making a child suffer for having a problem. To raise problem solvers, focus on solutions, not retribution,” — L.R. Knost.
And so, the discipline that a spiritual father assigns may indeed be painful, but that is not why it is given. It is not given to cause pain but to cause thought and to encourage a change in behavior. In fact, the discipline may not even, in itself, be painful, but may be perceived as painful by the penitent. Thus, if I assign a penitent the discipline of morning prayer every morning for at least a month, it is not truly a painful discipline. But, if the penitent has not been praying, then that person may see it as a painful bother until they learn how to pray correctly. Nevertheless, let me comment that it is only God who may allow a truly painful discipline to befall a person. Even then, the purpose is to bring about change, not to punish.
But, to return to the woman who came to me for Confession, as I said earlier, she wanted discipline. Something in my heart said that this was the wrong approach in this case, so I asked the Lord for wisdom. Then, I was inspired. I asked her if she remembered my sermon and the Parable of the Prodigal Son. She said she did. So, I asked her what the Father had done when the Son returned. She said that he had run out to the road and hugged his son and put a ring on his finger. So, I asked, “did the father give the son any discipline?” She said that he had not. And I said, “neither will I, I am simply going to hug you and forgive you.”
She was flabbergasted and began to argue with me and then stopped. She started to insist that I had to give her discipline and then stopped. Twice she was unable to finish her sentences. I waited her out. When she had run out of words, I simply reached over and hugged her. She started crying for a very short time then stopped and thanked me. Later in the parish hall, she thanked me again. She prepared my food. She served me coffee. She tried to pack up some food for me to take on the trip back. And she was smiling the whole time.
Sometimes we need discipline to help set us straight. Sometimes we just need to know that we have been forgiven.
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