C.S. Lewis: the realization of sin is the sign of God’s presence

“It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence.” ? C.S. Lewis

There is a saying from the Desert Fathers that is a longer way of expressing the same thought.

A brother questioned Abba Poemen in this way, ‘My thoughts trouble me, making me put my sins aside, and concern myself with my brother’s faults’. The old man told him the following story about Abba Dioscorus (the monk), ‘In his cell he wept over himself, while his disciple was sitting in another cell. When the latter came to see the old man he asked him, “Father, why are you weeping?” “I am weeping over my sins,” the old man answered him. Then his disciple said, “You do not have any sins, Father.” The old man replied, “Truly, my child, if I were allowed to see my sins, three or four men would not be enough to weep for them.”

The one place where I would say that Martin Luther made a mistake was NOT in his noticing how sinful he was. I do not buy the idea that Martin Luther had some psychological issues that troubled him, that he was overly scrupulous. Some modern theologians have suggested that Martin Luther had a psychological problem. But, the Desert Fathers would have thoroughly agreed with him that he was quite incredibly sinful. But, they would not have seen that as an insult, or as a psychological problem. They would have rejoiced and seen that as the beginnings of spiritual progress, of growing in the life of Christ, of growing into the likeness of God. They would have been quietly thankful that he had begun to see the Light. But, they also would have guided him more into a life of tears and prayers, not the tears of hopelessness, but the baptism of tears that signifies a true repentance.

Martin Luther was a monk. But, somehow, his monastic order did not know how to guide him through the realization of his sinfulness and instead appears to have left him without much hope, or with accusations of being overly scrupulous. Luther was right. He was incredibly sinful. But, rather than Luther having a psychological issue, his sensitivity means that God gave him the grace to see what many of us miss, which is how incredibly sinful we are. In some ways, the Calvinists came a lot closer to the truth when they wrote about the doctrine of Total Depravity. It is true that every part of our being is indeed depraved. This does not mean that every part is in full depravity, otherwise we would be demons. But, it does mean that Luther’s experience of his lack of holiness was fully accurate. But, somehow, he did not see what the Desert Fathers did, the grace of God that was present in the midst of their striving to conquer sin. Luther saw his sinfulness as evidence of his coming condemnation. The Desert Fathers saw their sinfulness as evidence that they were growing in spiritual sensitivity and thus growing in the likeness of God and were recipients of his grace. One cannot read the Desert Fathers without realizing that they did not live in constant fear. They are pictured as calm and wise. But, they are also pictured as being quite aware of their true condition in this world, up until the Lord returns.

This is that to which C.S. Lewis is pointing in his quote above. He is pointing to the experience of the Desert Fathers, the experience which tells them that God is indeed present in them. You see, the more that we see our own dirt, the more God is giving us a sign that he is with us. Remember that the Prophet Isaiah saw God on his throne and promptly said that he was a dead man as he realized his own sinfulness. But, God sent an angel with a coal and said that his sins were cleansed. The closer we get to God, the more we see ourselves as sinful. And, when we know that we should die for our sins, then we are in the very presence of God. The Desert Fathers tried to teach that to us by their lives, by their examples. It is a lesson we need to learn.

“It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us; it is the very sign of His presence.”