Gentleness and Saint Seraphim of Sarov

Saint Seraphim of Sarov is my patron saint. There are various sayings attributed to him which are backed up by the way in which he lived his life. One set of them treats the subject of gentleness:

You cannot be too gentle, too kind.

Shun even to appear harsh in your treatment of each other.

Joy, radiant joy, streams from the face of him who gives and kindles joy in the heart of him who receives.

All condemnation is from the devil. Never condemn each other…

Instead of condemning others, strive to reach inner peace.

Keep silent, refrain from judgment. This will raise you above the deadly arrows of slander, insult, and outrage and will shield your glowing hearts against all evil.

These sayings particularly appeal to me because I am so often the opposite of what my saint counsels here. But, he does remind me of some of the Early Church Fathers and the confessors. Did you know that there were actually complaints against some of the confessors because they were said to be too lenient? Pope Callistos (Callixtos) I was castigated by both Tertullian and Saint Hippolytus for his “inappropriate leniency.” His crime was to say that no sin should lead to permanent excommunication. You can read the advice from Saints John Chrysostom and Saints Basil on repentance to see that they often advice that priests be careful about applying the full weight of the Church’s penance.

In fact, many priests today would be horrified by the pastoral advice of Saint John Chrysostom to his priests, “It is better that the priest explains to the penitent how great a penance he deserves and then enjoins something quite tolerable.” Nevertheless, he also argued to be cautious because some people needed a great penance, “If in no way you desire to spare the penitent, use a fitting procedure. It will often happen that, despondent even to the point of rejecting everything, both the medicine and the chains, he may cast himself headlong, the yoke broken, the snare loosed. For my part I am able to list many great sinners who were only saved because a worthy penance, one on a par with the crime, was exacted.” But, notice something very important. In neither case does he appeal to the law or to the canons. Nor does he make the argument that because they deserve penance that the pastor should exact that penance. Rather his approach is purely medicinal. Do what is necessary in order to bring the penitent back.

In either case, whether of “looser” discipline or “tighter” discipline, Saint John Chrysostom is not concerned for the laws and canons but for the person who must be brought back. This is the same attitude that one finds in Saint Seraphim of Sarov and in many of the Desert Fathers. Our attitude needs to be gentleness. We are to apply only what is necessary in order for our brother to grow. And, if in doubt, we are to be gentle.

How far is this from what I find all too often in my heart! And, how far this is from the hearts of all too many modern Orthodox whose desire to preserve the purity of the faith drives them far from gentleness. May all of us learn to be gentle. “You cannot be too gentle, too kind.” And, if we err, let us err on the side of gentleness, even in those times when we must speak about “how great a penance he deserves.”