Homosexuality and an Orthodox pastoral response

Before I go into what our hierarchs have said as their pastoral response to people with homosexual inclinations, let me first speak to a couple of matters. The first is that an Orthodox believer asked about support for the person with those inclinations struggling to live a life that adheres to Orthodox standards. One of our readers responded with the following suggestion:

[Fr.] Ernesto, you and your readers may be interested in this website, which is for a Roman Catholic organization encouraging those with homosexual inclinations to develop an interior life of chastity (to which all believers are called.) http://www.couragerc.net/

She also suggested another organization, but though I glanced at the website, I have not had the time to research them. So, I am neither for nor against that organization. I simply do not know them yet.

Mrs. Salome Ellen correctly points out that the chaste life is a life that we are all called to live. For the unmarried person, they are called to live a chaste and celibate life, while the married person is called to live a chaste and married life. Thus, as Our Lord pointed out, the person who looks at another person to lust after them in their hearts has already committed adultery. While it is a joke in the USA that there is nothing wrong with being married and “looking at the menu” provided it goes no farther, that is not really a joke, that is simply an excuse for an unchaste and roving eye. The increase in “sexual addictions” and addiction to pornography only point out that such an attitude can lead to a terrible end. Thus chastity is not simply a calling for monastics and some “special” people, it is a calling for each and every one of us.

Another of the posters gave an extremely good analysis with regards to the difficulties that are faced by certain people:

Things are normal until puberty, at which point your day to day experiences start to go off track from heterosexuals. For instance, at age 12 or 13, you come to realize you are stuck locker rooming with dozens of very attractive people who incite lust in you. Except, no one else seems to realize this is a problem, because seemingly no one else is having this problem at all. To make it worse, it turns out you’re not allowed to tell people either! The theme recurs over and over again, culminating in watching happy couples get married, because it’s not a sin for them… just for you. You end up not properly integrated into the culture, othered in a hundred ways. That’s what ends up making it an identity, I think.

In a way, it is much like growing up disabled. Your experience diverges in a million ways so far from the norm that only another disabled person can identify with your day: the stares, the inappropriate praise from strangers, the inaccessibilities, the patronizing, etc. Not only do able bodied people not experience these things daily, they don’t even seem capable of noticing them happening around them.

The thing about being an other is that when you meet people like you, the feeling of being able to really connect, communicat, comiserate, etc is OVERWHELMING. For the first time in you life, even if you never wanted to be that group, you feel like you fit. And so you start absorb some of that as your culture norms, even if you hate being in a wheelchair or being gay/bi, or whatever it is.

Alcoholism just doesn’t come close. It isn’t usually part of your formative experience, not tossed at you and othering you day after day during your adolesence. It’s just not the same kind of thing.

There are actually several groups that have that type of experience while growing up. Unless you have ever been a member of one of those sub-groups, you will have some strong misconceptions and misunderstandings about members of that group. Let me mention a couple of other groups that have strong experiences of being the “other,” Gypsies in Europe and Coptic Orthodox living in Egypt. Both groups, and not surprisingly, have very strong communal identification. They tend to “circle the wagons” and be cautious with and suspicious of outsiders. But, this is a subject for another post, I simply thought to bring it up.

As our hierarchs have crafted their responses to homosexuality in this country, they have made sure to speak both to the situations in this country and to give guidance to the Church. So, let me point out some of what the OCA has said pastorally. In the post from three days ago, I quoted the OCA bishops, who said in part:

Men and women with homosexual feelings and emotions are to be treated with the understanding, acceptance, love, justice and mercy due to all human beings. …

Assistance is to be given to those who deal with persons of homosexual orientation in order to help them with their thoughts, feelings and actions in regard to homosexuality. Such assistance is especially necessary for parents, relatives and friends of persons with homosexual tendencies and feelings. It is certainly necessary for pastors and church workers.

His Beatitude Metropolitan Jonah said it even a little stronger in a letter which he wrote as the Endorsing Agent to the Board of Military Chaplains. In that letter he makes plain what would be the OCA’s reponse to the regularization of homosexual couples in the military. In that letter he said in part:

The Church categorically rejects homosexual relations as “marriage,” no matter what ritual may be performed or by whom. Those who engage in such a partnership are cut off from the sacraments of the Church, until the relation is dissolved and the individuals involved complete a term of penance. Any priest who would dare perform such a “marriage” would be immediately defrocked by his own action.

But then, as part of his letter he turns and speaks to both soldiers and to the Church and says:

We do, however, see the need to protect those individuals who struggle with their sexual identity. That problem is itself a result of the degradation of our social fabric. A very large segment of our American society shares the traditional and orthodox attitude toward homosexuality. Many soldiers are not tolerant of “gays.” Those struggling with same-sex attraction need to be shielded from abuse from other soldiers …

In both of the quotes, from the bishops’ letter and from His Beatitude, there runs a common theme. The first one diplomatically says that training is certainly necessary for pastors and church workers, for parents, relatives, and friends. Frankly, that sounds like just about the entire Church, does it not? But His Eminence puts it in even more stark terms. “We … need to protect … . Many … are not tolerant of ‘gays.’ Those struggling with same-sex attraction need to be shielded from abuse … .” I cut the word “soldiers” out because when coupled with the first letter, the problem is seen to be one for the entire Church.

The bottom line is that both His Eminence and the bishops of the OCA are quite aware that all too many in the Church, including pastors and church workers, instead of responding in a godly way to those who would come into the Church to repent, to receive the sacraments and to learn to live a godly life, instead of offering support and care, all too quickly respond inappropriately, even to the level of “abuse.” In this case His Eminence points out that abuse is not merely in the eye of the beholder. There is real abuse and real misbehavior going on with regards to those who are seeking to come into the Church out of that lifestyle. Thus, the bishops in their letter frankly stated that training is needed in the Church in order to remind us that we are to follow the royal law of love of God and love of neighbor, and to remind us to be compassionate and merciful.

In both letters homosexual behavior is simply placed as one of various sins. Though I did not quote that part of the letters in this post, every time that the letters speak of homosexual behavior, they promptly list other sins alongside. That is, we are not to regard that behavior as the worst of all sins or the only sin. It is a sin, but there are several others sins comparable to that sin. Our words and our actions have all too often given the feeling that this sin is somehow special. Thus, it is–again–no wonder that the bishops said that training was needed.

Finally, the OCA has spoken out most strongly, and more than once, in stating that the gay lifestyle is not in any way acceptable to the Church. The OCA has gone farther and even made clear that both those involved in that behavior are cut off from the sacraments of the Church and that any priest who approves is defrocking himself. But, the OCA has then turned around and said to the Church that we too need to examine our attitudes and our sin, even our abusive behavior, so that we may properly express God’s, “understanding, acceptance, love, justice and mercy, due all human beings.” The OCA bishops have struck a wonderfully godly and wise balance. They have spoken tough love both to those who are engaged in the lifestyle and those who support them, yet they turned right around and also spoke tough love to the Church as well.