Memories and children

All children grow up. But, we who are parents spend so many years raising them that sometimes we forget that there was a time before we had children and that there will be a time after our children are grown. We may be parents until the day we die, but we only raise our children for part of our life. Yet, those years of raising children have cherished memories that are hard to let go. At each stage of our children’s growth, there is something that we used to do with them that needs to drop out as they reach a new stage in their life. But, oh how hard it is to let some of that go. The comic above is a wonderful illustration of the ache that goes with leaving behind some activity that used to mean so much at a certain stage of our children’s lives.

Do you remember your children as babies? Do you remember blubbering on their bellies and making them laugh? Obviously that one drops out early in their growth. Do you remember singing silly songs like “The Itsy Bitsy Spider,” complete with hand gestures that they would imitate? That, too, had to be let go after a certain age. The comic strip above comes from Arlo and Janis. Their only son is grown, in love, and will probably get married soon. He studies at college and no longer has time to play basketball with dad. And, there is dad. One can see the sorrow and the pain in his eyes as he contemplates the worn-out basketball hoop. There is not even a net left. But, oh, the memories that are held in that hoop! To take it down it to admit that the son is already more than halfway out of the home.

All parents are exhorted to be happy when their children fly the nest and become successful adults. And, so we are. But, it is a bittersweet sorrow. We have spent upwards of 20 to more years raising them, loving them, being with them through trial and tribulation, training them in the right path, preparing them for adulthood, etc. For those who married young, their children have been with them for half of their life, more if they married right out of high school. And, then they are gone. Of course, they are not fully gone. But, one no longer wakes up to hear the sound of their presence in the house. Now, one must wait for a visit or go on a visit in order to see the people whom one saw every day for 20 or more years. Yes, it can be a tough adjustment. When one was first married, the house seemed to be just right for a spouse and you. Now, it does not seem quite right to not have the sound of multiple voices resounding through that house. That is why psychologists call it “empty nest syndrome.”

And, so we both sorrow and yet we are happy. We remember, and yet we look forward to the new things that our children and grandchildren will tell us. We live in the past; but we look to the future. Such is the cycle of life as Our Lord has shaped it at this time. And, it is good.

Lord, now lettest thou thy servant depart in peace, according to thy word: for mine eyes have seen thy salvation,which thou hast prepared before the face of all people; a light to lighten the Gentiles, and the glory of thy people Israel.