Father Ernesto had meant to do a different post than this one, but he has been very busy the last 48 hours, and so he asked Father Orthoduck to do an emergency fill-in. As you may remember, on Monday, Father Orthoduck posted on a small liturgical problem that he had this past Sunday. In answer, Pithless Thoughts commented that when there are visiting priests that celebrate the Divine Liturgy, he has the role of being a type of “traffic controller” that helps guide the visiting priest to a celebration of the liturgy that appears to flow and leads people to worship God.
But, this made Father Orthoduck wonder about those times when, despite all the good efforts of a subdeacon, or even of another priest, the Divine Liturgy becomes a challenging exercise in preventing an implosion. Father Orthoduck is talking about the liturgical version of, “Houston, we have a problem.” Father Orthoduck knows of at least one instance when an over-enthusiastic parishioner crossed himself with such vigor that he smacked the back of his hand into the chalice containing the consecrated communion and knocked it right out of the priest’s hand. It is his understanding that some “no little debate” ensued as to how to deal with the issue.
Father Orthoduck himself has had to face a tearful mother, right after he accidentally pronounced the wrong name during a baby’s baptism. She asked Father Orthoduck whether she needed to go to the courthouse to legally rename her child. Father Orthoduck quickly assured her that God knew which name was in her heart and that he certainly would honor the child’s intended name despite the priest’s mistake. But, Father Orthoduck’s favorite (uhm, maybe not really favorite, uhm, maybe nighmarish?) liturgical fail was when he dropped a ring during a wedding. Of course, the ring landed on edge, on a stone floor and promptly rolled down the center aisle with the best man hotly in pursuit, bending over periodically to try to grab the ring. Father Orthoduck was young, and must admit that he froze in paralyzed agony, wondering whether a lynch mob would ensue. None did, but Father Orthoduck is sure that the moment is remembered in that marriage to this day.
In every case of liturgical fail that Father Orthoduck has experienced, there has been no choice but to soldier on and hope that the Liturgy is not fatally impacted. Amazingly, it never has been. Father Orthoduck suspects some serious intervention by the Holy Spirit.
But, how do you handle liturgical fair? And, what stories do you have to tell us about your experiences with liturgical fail?
I have also said the wrong name for a baby during a baptism! Mom quickly corrected me!
The worst I have ever seen was a Baptist pastor who pronounced a couple husband and wife…and gave wrong names for both! If you wanted to get technical, he actually married the groom’s brother to the groom’s female cousin, who was a bridesmaid!
A few comments…
1. Crossing yourself before and after receiving the Eucharist is depending on the parish either very frowned upon or done almost universally. For the priests I have known in opposition to it the primary reasons were: a Latinization, the very real possibility of smacking the chalice, and slowing down the line unnecessarily.
2. On a similar topic is the Russian (to some degree pan-Slavic) practice of kissing the chalice after having partaken. The same smacking the chalice problem remains.
3. Our priest dropped the ring during our wedding. Eleven years and 7 children later we don’t feel any worse the wear.
4. Other semi-liturgical issues: the child and zapivka double handful of bread issue, the pass the antidoron to everyone and chat issue, and the candle lighting throughout the entire liturgy issue.
Of course, the worst nightmare for any priest involves spilling the consecrated elements. This may happen in spite of the best efforts to prevent it. I think the best thing is to acknowledge this and to have an appropriate plan in place to deal with it. That way, when it happens, at least the priest will know what needs to be done.
In our case, my favorite story does not involve this, thank God. In our tradition, it is common to celebrate barefoot, in stocking feet, or wearing special slippers made only of cloth, in that it is traditional and customary to wear no leather while at the altar. Long story short, a censor came apart in the nave while the deacon was censing ikons, sending live coals flying onto carpet. Poor deacon did not hesitate. He immediately proceeded to put out as much of the smoldering carpet and live coals as he could WITH THIS BARE FEET.