Have you ever been in a discussion where the person drops the “nuclear option?” Father Orthoduck is not talking about an emotional argument but about a discussion. What does Father Orthoduck mean as the “nuclear option?” The nuclear option is where the person attributes what you are saying to anything but logic and knowledge. You are told, as above, that the reason you are saying that is because of some childhood trauma, or because you are under stress and “they” are worried about you, or because of your cultural background or religious background or racial background, or because of your political affiliation, or (this used to be said to the ladies) because it is that time of the month, isn’t it?
What this option does, of course, is that it strips you of logic, knowledge, intelligence, analytical capability, and any sense of worth. It makes the person dropping the nuclear option to be the mature adult while you are simply the immature child who needs either correction or simply an empathetic understanding of your personal problems. It means that the person with whom you are arguing no longer has to listen to you or to be too concerned about the content of your words, but only about your emotional climate. At worst, if you give up the argument because you realize that communication has been lost, it lets the person dropping the nuclear option have the security that they have just somehow shown that their viewpoint is correct and that they are the “winner” of the discussion.
What makes the nuclear option so easy to use is that there are indeed times when a person is reacting out of some childhood trauma, or because they are under stress, or because of their cultural background, etc. And, one does not even have to be a trained psychologist or anthropologist or trained anything to use that option. One needs only to drop the nuclear option to clear the “battlefield.” Many women will tell you that this was the common tactic used in the days of yore. It is less used on women now, but many women will tell you that it is still frequently used today. (So will several other groups, but that is for another time.) And, since the longer a discussion goes on, the more you are likely to get emotional, it progressively becomes easier to charge you with emotionalism. The first person to use the nuclear option often gains the tactical advantage in a discussion. The danger of using the nuclear option is that you can end up losing a friend or a relative or a partner. The nuclear option can also easily wipe out a relationship with the person you nuke.
And so, Father Orthoduck does have some advice for Christians on this subject:
1. Behave like Our Lord Jesus Christ. Try to find instances in which Our Lord used the nuclear option. Keep trying. Look harder. Father Orthoduck doubts that you will find any. While Our Lord spoke very strongly to various groups, he always spoke to them as adults holding wrong beliefs or wrong practices, etc. The nuclear option would have been rather easy to use with either the woman at the well or with the woman caught in adultery, but he refrained and spoke to them as mature adults. This is a good example to follow.
2. Unless you are a trained professional, refrain from charging someone with reacting out of some trauma or religious or political or etc. belief. Since you are not a professional, you are likely to be making a mistake and being the one causing damage. Worse, you are doing it simply to gain victory over a discussion point. You have no real concern about the other person’s mental state or thinking process.
3. Engage the argument, not the person. If you cannot seem to win the argument without resorting to the nuclear option, then ask yourself whether you could possibly be the one who is wrong. If the other person begins to forget the argument and engage the person, then walk away. Discussion has just become impossible, so why bother.
4. Refrain from using some such phrase with the other person such as that what they are saying is “their truth.” The moment you use that phrase, you have lost. You see, if truth is that dependent on a person’s “faith,” then why are you bothering with discussion? Let each person believe as they wish. You have just dropped into relativism. Actually, telling someone a phrase like “well that is what you think is true” is simply another version of the nuclear option. But, in this case you have wiped the battlefield by both killing your opponent’s argument and your argument. If truth is that dependent on personal belief then why are you bothering to argue? You have your truth, the other person has their truth, so be quiet already.
Well, I think that you get the idea. Father Orthoduck is not saying to avoid discussions. That would be another extreme. But, he is saying that we all need to carry out our discussions in, frankly, a moral and ethical manner.
Well, sometimes, perhaps many times, this option, which, instead of being nuclear, is often really more firecracker-like, back fires.
All of us perceive the world in certain ways precisely because of our background, experience, gender, socioeconomic status, etc., etc. However, that fact in and of itself does not detract from the overall truth of what we might be saying and, in fact, what is being pointed to is the truth of one’s experience. especially when the experiences in question have been those of oppression, exploitation and victimization.
People who use the nuclear option probably do so because of their cultural conditioning.