Those of you who now have grown daughters may very well remember facing a moment similar to this sometime in their early teenage years. I say early teenage years because by the time they are in their late teenage years, they are normally horrified at the thought of asking their father anything that has to do with their bodily development. Now, you may not remember such a moment in your little girl’s life, but that is probably because you have blocked it out of your conscious mind.
Just the other day, I was talking to one of our grown daughters and she reminded me of one such episode in our life. Yes, I remember that episode. Actually, I remember more than one episode since we had more than one daughter. And, I can remember praying internally in a panic asking God to help me to give an answer that would not damage them for life or cause my wife to damage me for life! I think that I even asked for it to be a sound godly answer, but I had enough adrenaline flowing inside of me that my memories of that very first question may be skewed. I did not call for my wife though it may be that she was not in the house at that time. I knew that I needed to answer honestly and in such a way that I did not shut any doors for our daughters to return in the future to ask questions. Well, for years I did not know how I had done.
But, as I commented, recently one of our daughters reminded me of one of those incidents. And she remembers it as a moment in which I quietly answered her question and left the door open for her to ask more in the future. She even said that should her daughter wish to ask me a question someday that I should feel free to answer our granddaughter as I answered our daughter. It was a wonderful moment for me. Of course, I may now need to look for hiding places as our granddaughter approaches the time of questions! (I think I am just kidding.)
I write this as an encouragement to fathers who have daughters approaching the age of questions. They may not always go to mom, sometimes they will come to you. You may feel as though you do not know what to say. But, pray for wisdom, bite the bullet, and take a good tranquilizer after you answer the question. (I think I am just kidding about the tranquilizer.) Trust that God will give you a godly and wise answer. (Maybe even trust that God will shut your daughter’s ears to any mistakes you make in your answer.) Answer gently and make sure to keep that door open to further questions. You may not know how you have done for years. But, that’s OK. Being a parent is learning to live with fear and trembling while giving out love and wisdom.
Here is a quote for you from Redemptoris Custos:
. . . How much the family of today can learn from this! “The essence and role of the family are in the final analysis specified by love. Hence the family has the mission to guard, reveal and communicate love, and this is a living reflection of and a real sharing in God’s love for humanity and the love of Christ the Lord for the Church his bride.” This being the case, it is in the Holy Family, the original “Church in miniature (Ecclesia domestica),” that every Christian family must be reflected. “Through God’s mysterious design, it was in that family that the Son of God spent long years of a hidden life. It is therefore the prototype and example for all Christian families.” . . .
The growth of Jesus “in wisdom and in stature, and in favor with God and man” (Lk 2:52) took place within the Holy Family under the eyes of Joseph, who had the important task of “raising” Jesus, that is, feeding, clothing and educating him in the Law and in a trade, in keeping with the duties of a father.
In the Eucharistic Sacrifice, the Church venerates the memory of Mary the ever Virgin Mother of God and the memory of St. Joseph, because “he fed him whom the faithful must eat as the bread of eternal life.”
For his part, Jesus “was obedient to them” (Lk 2:51), respectfully returning the affection of his “parents.” In this way he wished to sanctify the obligations of the family and of work, which he performed at the side of Joseph.
May Saint Joseph intercede for us with Christ our God that we may have the help of the Holy Spirit in learning to be good fathers.
“Being a parent is learning to live with fear and trembling while giving out love and wisdom.”
That is as honest as it gets.