Why is it that the ruder a Christian is, the more that they are likely to insist that they are simply “speaking the truth in love?” Contrast the modern American attitude with that of the Early Church Fathers. What was the Early Church Fathers’ attitude towards speaking the truth in love, towards what we would probably call “constructive criticism?”
He, therefore, who sets himself to act evilly and yet wishes others to be silent, is a witness against himself, for he wishes himself to be loved more than the truth, which he does not wish to be defended against himself. There is, of course, no man who so lives as not sometimes to sin, but he wishes truth to be loved more than himself, who wills to be spared by no one against the truth. Wherefore, Peter willingly accepted the rebuke of Paul; David willingly hearkened to the reproof of a subject. For good rulers who pay no regard to self-love, take as a homage to their humility the free and sincere words of subjects. But in this regard the office of ruling must be tempered with such great art of moderation, that the minds of subjects, when demonstrating themselves capable of taking right views in some matters, are given freedom of expression, but freedom that does not issue into pride, otherwise, when liberty of speech is granted too generously, the humility of their own lives will be lost. — Saint Gregory the Dialoguist (the Great)
Look at the balance that there is in the statement above. On the one hand, the ruler, the Christian clergyman, is to be humble enough to receive criticism. In fact, the Christian clergyman is to so love truth that he is to not desire to be spared the truth. He ought to be willing to be corrected so as to make sure that he is living his life in the truth. But, notice that it must be tempered with moderation. You see, there is the danger that in giving too much freedom of expression to the “subjects” that they will become proud of their opinions and they will lose humility and assume that if they have had right views on some matters then their views must be right on all matters.
This, of course, is the problem with all too many Christians today. The Reformation idea of each person with their Bible, informed by their conscience, has degenerated in all too many areas of the world to the idea that any interpretation that I come up with must be a legitimate interpretation. And, in the USA, our sense of entitlement, and our sense of our “rights” has degenerated all too often into our insistence that the priest (or pastor) must listen to our opinion otherwise, he is not spiritual. Please note that “listening” to our opinion really means implementing it. If the priest (or pastor) does not implement our opinion then they have not heard us. You can see in that attitude that Saint Gregory was correct. The level of humility in all too many members in our churches is rather low, and their self-appreciation of their own opinions is, uhm, delusional. So, yes, “when liberty of speech is granted too generously, the humility . . . will be lost.”
Pithless Thoughts has it correct in yet another cartoon.
When the children were growing up, we had “The Thumper Rule.” (Thumper from Bambi) Thumper says that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. Not that I am saying a heinous wrong should be kept secret, but sometimes what we are “saying in love” is really hateful and not something the kingdom would stand or fall on. Am I annoyed by others mannerisms, endless repeating of some life story, or deep inside looks at their latest surgery? Sometimes. I try always to think of how my response will be received–or how I would receive the same response. I am a delicate flower and sensitive beyond belief and I think most people I run into are the same somewhere down deep inside, so I use both the Thumper Rule and the Golden Rule and I pray for folks–the folks who infuriate me with their nonsense….as I am sure I have infuriated them with my nonsense more than once. (Now I must say that I can become extremely protective of my children never mind that they are grown and gone!! I try to remember that most of the time, it is NOT MY BUSINESS and try to remember to keep my mouth shut and repent of my fury and pray some more.)
Alix
First off- thank you for helping me discover Pithless Thoughts. I chuckle so much at it.
Second off, this hit me deeply. I too often, in my attempt to “speak the truth in love” stay silent or misspeak. OTOH, too often when I speak out of turn in rudeness, it is done under the cover of sweet, kind words.
Learning to love is hard enough. Learning to speak in and with love is even harder.
This admonition also applies to private conversations between like-minded people who are discussing people not present, or issues (especially “moral issues”) related to said absent people. It is not simply a question of substance, it is also a question of form (and inflection, and anger management, or the lack thereof).