The day before yesterday, my wife and I were at a gas station when we were hailed by a “typical” homeless person. By typical I do not mean to menospreciar (depreciate) the person, I am simply giving a description. He did not ask for money, but for a ride back to his sleeping area. He said he was a VietNam vet and appeared to be of the age that it was possible. Since I was drafted during VietNam, I am quite partial to veterans from that era. So, we gave him a ride back to his sleeping area. He was quite cynical and was sure that I would not see him again. On my part, I was quite doubtful, since I have encountered many a scam artist in my time in working overseas and in the inner city. Nevertheless, I gave him a $20 bill.
But, yesterday I followed up on him and took him to breakfast. He did not wish to eat anything. He admitted that he was an alcoholic. He lost his truck driver’s license through DUI. He frankly asked me to drop him off at a convenience store so that he could get some beer. So, I dropped him off but told him that I would not take him anywhere with beer in his hand. So he left the car.
And that brings up the conflict that is all to well known to those of us who work with difficult people. When do we let them go, and when do we pursue them? I wish I had a good answer. Sometimes, they have to sink to a “lower” level in order to be ready to change. Sometimes, they need to be pursued because they cannot figure how to get out of their deep hole.
So, of course, I am conflicted. Should I have given him the $20? Should I do more? Am I being too conservative? Am I being too liberal? I wish I had a good answer. But, I chose to give him help. Maybe I was wrong.
You did what you thought was the right thing at the time.
Many of us have the same conflicted feelings in similar situations.
It is very awkward. Sometimes I do just exactly what you did. Sometimes not.
Who can really say?
I try, but don’t always succeed in letting them know how much Christ Jesus loves them.
Who knows what God will do in that little Word?
Thanks, Father O!
– Steve M.
I agree with Steve, you did what you thought was right. You’ve been down this road enough to tell whether you should give them money or groceries they can’t drink.
This is a struggle I face every day in a shop full of under-employed disadvantaged men.
I think we’re always going to be in conflict with their behavior. You can’t live their life, they resent you tremendously for imposing. So, we wind up watching them spiral down to some hard floor. At that point, we have to be there to pick them up and get them some help, if they live through the landing. When they’re ready to change, it’s usually apparent, although it may take many tries to make it stick.
Another thought on this: When does help actually become counter-productive? You can help, but if they spend the money you’ve given them on booze, doesn’t that mean you are enabling their habit? My feeling is that I’m not privileged to know that information, and I don’t have the license to determine if the person is using the money for good or ill. That is for God to sort out.
The poor ye have always among you, and ye may do them good whenever you wish.
(Quoted by a homeless person, who thinks a treat like that is one of the rarer ones – I lift my hat!)